Why I Said Yes
by nlightnd
Summary: Seras reveals why she chose to follow Alucard into the night, losing everything but what she loved. SxA Rated for language and a little violence.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Hellsing related, mainly the characters. I'd be rather well off if I did and be able to quit my job. jk...

A/N: This is just a one shot that popped into my head when I watched Hellsing again for like the twentieth time. This is mainly written in Seras' POV. Thought I'd warn you guys just in case you don't like that kind of story with a certain POV. It won't be strictly her POV as I'll be alternating between her details that other characters will be thinking, recalling and speaking. Either way, this is a different story and a first attempt at any kind of POV story so be gentle. :)

Why I Said Yes

By Nlightnd

Angrily spinning, I threw my weight towards the training dummy and delivered a vicious kick that would've sent most men to their knees or flying backwards about fifty feet. Stepping closer to the stuffed effigy, I pounded it with a varied round of punches, backhands and kicks. After a short time, I was exhausted!

It brought back memories of police academy training and the weekends when we had to complete required physical portions of a yearly exam. They always left me feeling worn out; earning the sympathy of all the guys along with a stupid nickname that I hated...kitten. But I went along with it anyway. Just for them. Just to try and fit in with the guys. Sound familiar girls? All in the name of fitting in with the boys. What was I thinking? That's the point. I wasn't thinking. I was trying to hard to find acceptance, a family. Yeah right.

Since I was still considered young, by the night's standards, I still didn't have much in the way of stamina. Sucked to be me. What am I , you ask, to be compared with the night? I am a vampire. Or a vampire's fledgling to be exact. I'm not kidding no matter what you may think. And no, I'm not crazy. Check all the asylums or mental wards if you don't believe me.

My name is Seras Victoria and I was turned by the oldest known vampire to man. Alucard. Better known throughout history as Dracula. Does that intimidate you? Right now, it means jack shit to me! Maybe because I'm so pissed off that a red haze has covered my eyes. I'm so angry that I feel I could literally _kill_ the first person who set me off! So how's that for a confession? Why am I so angry you ask? I'll tell you. Then you can make your own call about whether I have a right to be angry or not. Why did I agree to walk the night with him? Good question. Maybe it was the way the wind teased his hair around his body. Or maybe it was the way his red eyes seemed to grab hold of mine, pulling me closer, pulling me towards a seduction so dark. Why is a damned good question. Listen close and I'll tell you why this is what I chose.

It all began last night while Master Alucard and I were on a mission..

_**Flashback...**_

_Alucard and I had been dispatched to a small, local village. Strangely enough, it was reminiscent of Cheddar. That place still gave me the shivers. I still can't pass that stone ruin without freezing up and having flashbacks from hell._

_Patrolling the green hills, we silently hunted the ghouls that were single handedly turning the peace loving villagers into cannabilistic ghouls. I had to suppress a shudder. The thought of those creatures with saliva dripping from their teeth and gums and gray, sunken skin were the things nightmares were made of. _

_In the distance we could hear them. We just couldn't see them yet. The sounds of their low growling, and the horrid sounds of flesh being torn and eaten almost made me gag. My master calmly reached over and touched my shoulder. I guess it was his way of telling me to calm down and remember who I am...a child of darkness, a child of the No Life King, himself! Not many could boast of that title amongst our kind. _

_Master's eyes shone with an unholy light. He was prepared to unleash hell. Of course he was always ready for that. Looking at me he spoke directly to my mind using telepathy. **"There's twenty of them. I can take the majority of them. How many can you handle Seras?"**_

_Nervously, I stared at him informing him that I'm not sure what I could or couldn't handle. Not a smart answer. In fact it seemed to piss him off pretty good. Way to go, Seras, I thought. _

_Alucard was counting on the fact that they were ignorant and had not clue that we were coming. Good for us. Bad for them. **"Seras, just take the two directly to your left and I'll deal with the rest."**_

_Nodding my head in agreement, I watched in morbid fascination as he leaped into battle firing off his Casul and Jackal; cutting down the enemy one right after another. He looked so good as he spun, kicked, shot, and decapitated his adversaries. He further proved his strength by thrusting his arm completely through a ghouls sinewy chest; turning it to dust! Talk about unbelievable! Talk about hot! Wait a minute! What am I thinking?_

_As if on cue, Alucard swiveled on the heel of his boot, facing me with a huge grin stretched tight across his face. I could have sworn he'd heard every thought that had crossed my mind. But he hadn't, had he? I could feel my cheeks reddening as the color of my embarrassment spread all over my face and other parts that I can't bring myself to speak about right now._

_Hearing a noise behind me, I turned and a ghoul was right on top of me. Yelling at the top of my lungs, I shouted, "Hell no you don't, dusty bitch!" Aiming for it's heart, I pulled back on the trigger and released it with no hesitation. The ghoul fell to the ground in dust and my eyes widened in awe._

_Wow! I actually did it! I killed one! Yelling at my master, I grabbed his attention momentarily telling him of my actions. He appeared pleased, then he quickly returned back to his own battle; killing off his undead puppets with little to no effort._

_I was no longer paying attention to my orders as I watched him. Everything about him moved me. The way he moved was a dance worthy of the best choreography in the world. He made it look so easy, even though I knew better. If I could see the muscles under his shirt, and coat, I'm willing to bet I'd be drooling as they smoothly moved under his pale skin. _

_Oh, shit! I'm lusting after my master! How pathetic! And in the middle of a mission too! How far have I fallen? My eyes immediately glanced down at the ground in shame. I couldn't believe I was acting like this. This was not the time not the place for me to act like a lovestruck girl!_

_I was so caught up degrading myself over my actions and ripping myself to shreds that I never heard the ghoul sneak up on me. Funny, I didn't know they were aware of how to sneak. I thought all they did was moan, groan, wave their hands about and feed on the flesh of the living. I felt a hand shove clear through my middle, and I felt blood spurt out of my mouth. I heard a deep voice yell my name in horror. Surely that wasn't Alucard! Nothing ever bothered him. Well, I take that back. The only time he was bothered was when things, or people, pissed him off._

_My eyes were slowly drifting shut, my body feeling so weak. I felt a pair of strong arms lift me gently up and against a firm chest. _

_I heard a voice whisper, "Seras, why? Why weren't you paying attention?"_

_Choking on the blood that was pooling at the back of my throat, I replied, "I was distracted. I'm sorry, Master."_

_Crimson eyes narrowed. His voice rang out harshly. "You're sorry? Sorry doesn't cover it, Seras! You can never afford distraction on the field! Never! What the hell were you thinking?"_

_Feeling the bite of his reprimand, my soul stung by the words he spoke, my eyes teared up. I knew that if I cried it'd only make him angrier; so I kept them buried inside for the time being. I refused to shed tears in front of someone who couldn't appreciate them or me._

_Alucard waited patiently on an answer. One I couldn't give. One I wouldn't give. The reason- he would never understand. And I'd only end up with a hell of a heartbreak. Not to mention more emotional baggage than I'd know what to do with. So I did what was best for me-I stayed silent. My lips trembling, I turned my head away from his prying eyes. For I suddenly realized that if he truly wanted, he could just look in my mind for the answer he was seeking. But that would mean the end of all trust, what little trust, that stretched tautly between us. _

_Without warning, I felt a warm tongue languidly lapping at the wound on my stomach. I almost jumped completely out of his lap from shock. There was **my** Master licking at the blood on my flesh! Surprised, I watched as the torn, ragged skin slowly closed up stemming off any further blood loss. For the moment I experienced warm fuzzies for him for his actions, but I still couldn't forget the words spoken. _

_Now that my injury had been attended to, he speared me with another hostile glance. "Seras, when we return to Hellsing we'll finish discussing this matter. I refuse to believe you'd allow yourself to be so stupid, losing yourself in your surroundings; almost getting yourself killed! But enough of that for now. Let's head back. I've already taken care of the remaining ghouls."_

_With that said, he turned his back to me and said nothing further. I saw a huge black void open and I ran to catch him, but he entered it and let it close behind him. _

_I felt betrayed! Had my actions been that wrong tonight? Rage spilling from my soul, I shouted to the heavens, "How dare you leave me, you arrogant, spiteful, son of a bitch! I hope you choke on your blood, you fucking swine!"_

_Instantly, my eyes widened and my mouth snapped shut when I realized what I'd done. I couldn't believe I'd lost my temper so severely. I used to never be like that until I joined Hellsing. I'd been pushed beyond my limits since my subsequent turning and all at the hands of my so called beloved master! But the more I thought about it, he'd driven me to it. So now I was left here to walk and just hope I could make it back before dawn. Currently, I wished that if I was a smoker that I could roll Alucard into a big, fat joint and smoke the hell out of him! There! That thought put a little smile back on my face. At least for a little while._

_I blew out a frustrated breath as I continued walking on into the night._

_**End flashback...**_

Remembering everything that had happened last night after my return also made me smile. Of course Alucard gave me an ass chewing I'll never forget and now I've got a lot of training with him for the next two months regarding the do's and don'ts of field behavior. Oh well, I guess it was a small price to pay because,well, Alucard got an ass chewing of his own courtesy of one, Sir Integra Hellsing.

The long, pale haired blond heiress stared down her servant. Her blue eyes so icy cold the temperature around them seemed to drop. "Alucard, you git! How dare you leave her behind! What if she'd been attacked again? What then?"

"She'd have survived. Besides, it's not like she was paying attention the first time. Maybe she needed to learn a lesson." The teasing sound had vacated, fury pressing it's way into his voice.

Integra's eyes flashed angrily at his statement and insinuation. "What lesson what that be, Alucard?" She crossed her arms waiting to hear his answer. But she continued before he could give it. "There can be no lessons learned if she's dead! You were the one who insisted she be brought here, Alucard! Regardless of whatever choice she made, you made the choice to be her master when you turned her."

I wisely chose to stay silent during their exchange. I didn't want to get either of them going on me so I just sat back and watched the show. Of course I'd felt fury of my own at his careless words. Personally, I wanted to reach up and slap some sense back into him.

Leaning back in her leather chair, Integra smiled mischieviously. "Alucard, for abandoning your fledgling in the middle of the countryside, alone and unprepared, I hereby declare that as for punishment you will spend the next two months training her. I'm talking about weapons, creature lore, black arts and other magic, and martial arts. Every bit of it. No exceptions. I expect the two of you to report to the training fields at eight pm every night unless there is a mission. Understood?" Her eyes just dared them to disagree.

I snapped a salute and replied, "Yes ma'am."

Alucard stared stonily at his master and muttered darkly, "Understood."

Integra smiled and said, "Your dismissed!"

Alucard immediately vanished leaving the two women behind.

"Don't worry Seras, he's just going to sulk. Sometimes not only can he be the biggest ass, but the world's biggest baby too." Integra laughed as she pictured the might vampire sulking with his lip poking out and she couldn't contain her laughter.

Nodding, I laughed with her. Suddenly, I grew serious. "Integra?"

"Yes?"

"My apologies for disappointing you and Alucard. I didn't mean to, but in a way I wonder if I'll ever truly fit in here."

Lighting up one of her favorite brand of cigars, Integra inhaled and gave the fledgling a knowing glance. "Seras, don't let Alucard fool you. You scared him tonight. According to him, you had a grave injury and had he not made it to you in time, you would've died your second death. You've been here but a short time and haven't had the proper amount of time to adjust. Give it time."

Integra watched Seras carefully before addressing her next question. "Seras, may I ask you a personal question? If you consider it as such?"

I smiled, showing a hint of fang. "Sure, I guess. If it's something I can answer."

"Well, that all depends on you. Why did you accept Alucard's offer? Strictly curiosity speaking, of course."

I had to think on that a moment. Just exactly why did I accept? And how much of my answer did I tell the woman in front of me? Would she criticize me for my reasons or would she see exactly what I meant? I just didn't want to say the wrong thing and end up being reprimanded for my thoughtless words. I'd already had enough of that lately. Pondering my answer carefully, I took a breath that I didn't even need and began my explanation.

"Well, I was going to die anyway, with the situation so hostile between Alucard and the priest. When you know you're going to die it kind of puts things in perspective. And when he asked me, I took a moment to think and consider my decision carefully. I thought about the things I'd be giving up and the things I'd be gaining as well."

A little nervous, I began pacing around in little circles in front of Integra's desk. "I can't help but admit that I was drawn to him. Who knows if it was his magnetism or if it was just a natural born chemistry between us? I don't know. His eyes pulled me in, so deep. I felt like I'd fallen into a river so deep, but I wasn't drowning."

Deep in my memory recall, I hugged my arms tightly around my small body, remembering the sounds, sights and smells. I couldn't forget a thing. My mind wouldn't allow me to forget. Nor did I want to. No matter what happened in the future I always wanted to remember the brief few moments when he held me like a lover, cradled so gently against him, as he tenderly eased my last human moments on this earth.

"His hair blew in the wind, black as midnight, his tall form, seemingly a unpenetrable fortress, his entire body and mannerisms screamed confidence. Most of all, he seemed sorry that I was involved. But if it hadn't have been me it would've been someone else. And when I heard him speak, his voice wrapped around me, bewitching me, mesmerizing me. I didn't want to fight it, didn't want to fight him. All I wanted was him, to be with him. So when he asked me what my decision was I told him yes. The reason I said yes was so I could be with him, fight along side him and eventually become a strongly independent vampire in my own right."

Snapping out of my reverie, I glanced at Sir Integra. "Does that answer your question, Sir Integra?"

Appearing every inch like the cat who stole the cream, she smirked. "Perfectly. Thank you. You're free to go now."

Smiling and feeling like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders, I stepped from the room a little lighter than before.

Alucard reappeared from the shadows staring at the door where I had just left. He was stunned and wasn't quite sure what to say.

"So, Alucard. I think this one's thrown you for a loop, wouldn't you say?"

"Something like that."

"I believe you've finally met your match."

His dark, fiery red gaze continued to stare at the door to Integra's study. "Maybe so, master, maybe so."

A/N: This is the end...there might be a continuation if enough people want it. Just review and let me know if you want it or not. Thanx!


	2. Why I Chose Her

I'd like to thank the following for taking the time to drop me a line or two and review. Thanx so much!

alucardgal: Here's your update so you can finally see what happens next. :)

Demmie: Yeah, at first I wondered if you'd see this story or not. I'm thrilled to hear that I feed your AxS addiction. :) Also, glad to know you really liked it! Hope you enjoy the new addition.

Naikoru: Yes, I can do more. Here it is just as you requested. : )

Britt: Pleased to know that you really liked my story as well, and I hope the update is to your liking. :)

Nikiya Coleman: Here's the next chap. I'm happy that you love it so far. :)

Tabu: I love to write OOC, a little crazy, I know, but I write them better like that than trying to keep them in strict characterization. I'll cross my fingers that this update will intrigue your mind as well... :)

Jen Lewis: Your comments regarding the emotion and action in my fic has my heart soaring! To me, your words are one of the greatest compliments I could receive. :)

Ludifer: How's it going? I'm truly enjoying Donor Number...! Can't wait til your next chapter! ;) hehe...no pressure or anything ...are you feeling the heat yet? jk... I'm thrilled you think my story was really well done! Your compliments mean a lot to me and I'm grateful! Thanx:)

escape5: You get your wish! Since you left it to my creative depths as a writer to let Seras and Alucard discover their potential together...we'll see what happens. :)

emolicious feffyfoofoopoo: A mouthful ain't it? jk... Finally, here's an updated chap and I'll cross my fingers that it'll whet your appetite. :)

Marti: I won't stop now...I'll be nice and continue. For now. Enjoy the fresh literary meat! ;)

blackwolfgirl88: You bet I'll continue. Besides, I've gotten too many requests to just ignore it and let it fall to the side. :)

Javolin: Glad you love it, and I hope you enjoy the update. :)

Disclaimer: See chapter one.

A/N: This chapter will start out mainly in Alucard's point of view with other characters involved. Just a heads up for you guys.

Why I Said Yes

Chapter 2: Why I Chose Her

"So that's why she said yes. All this time I'd wondered, questioning myself about why she would've possibly wanted my nocturnal kiss. What would've prompted her to agree? Well, now I have my answer. She wanted to be with me, pure and simple. To be able to be next to me, fight with me, and most of all just to exist by my side."

Speaking softly to myself, allowing my words to be absorbed by the surrounding breeze, I wanted nothing more than to discuss such feelings with my police girl. Such a name she detested, but in my own way I tease her because I care. I never really wanted to, it just happened. Kind of like life...you never know what's gonna hit you until it does.

Continuing my musings, I smiled remembering my first contact with her. She'd been afraid, but she was full of fire. Seras had possessed such an inferno of inner passion and heat that it had glowed brightly enough to attract two creatures of the night, one being myself, the much feared king of the vampires, Alucard.

My eyes gazed over the landscape as the moon lightly caressed the shadowed grounds here and there. Concentrating momentarily, I reached out on our link searching for her whereabouts. Aha! There she is. Still speaking with Integra about how she feels about me and her life, here, at Hellsing.

Eavesdropping on her earlier conversation, I learned more about my police girl tonight than in her short existence with Hellsing. For one thing, I'd never knew or realized that she'd felt that way towards me. And I'd always been cold and harsh to her.

My thoughts drifted back to the night not so long ago when I'd held a shivering, dying, petite blond in my arms. She didn't want to die, but she wasn't afraid of me either. Surprising indeed.

The moment I saw her enter the chapel I knew she wouldn't survive the experience, much less the night. My heightened senses had already told me the creature I sought awaited me in the stone church.

After destroying part of the door, anger turned to fury once I saw the filthy, maggot vampire holding Seras in his arms. He picked her up, holding her around her delicate throat, feet dangling a couple of feet from the stone floor. The trash freak dared to touch her! He further tempted his fate, and my anger, by threatening to turn her, keeping her warm, sweet blood to himself. Not a chance in hell! I'd ensure his death first! Then he pulled Seras directly in front of him so he could hide behind her.

The bastard dared to taunt me using her as a personal shield! He ordered his minions, former police officers, and coworkers to Seras, to kill me. Every one of them fired until their guns were empty. The shells as they ejected from the barrell passed through Alucard, creating a bloody mess. You could hear the clink of the metal casings fall to the floor after being spent.

Thinking he'd won, the vampire ordered them to stop and he prepared to make Seras his own, but he received one hell of a shock. I'd recovered and stood to my feet, pulling out my Casul as I raised up to my full, intimidating height. Cocking it using my fangs, I sneered as the vampire trash pleaded for his existence. His incessant whining pissed me off and I just wanted the job done.

Warning Seras about the implications of the actions I was about to carry out, abruptly, I asked her if she wanted to come with me. Why? Why did I do that? I didn't need a fledgling dogging my steps everywhere I went! So why in the hell did I pose that question to her?

It all came down to her fire and passion. That and she didn't quite see me as such a horrible monster after her run-in with the fake priest, whose ashes covered the floor of the chapel and scattered to the four winds.

There's so much she didn't understand, or know. So much I felt I needed to say and unsure of where to begin. She wanted to know more of my past. I feel it unneccessary. My past happened so long ago. What good would it do to dredge it up again? It wouldn't. There'd only be memories of pain and seemingly endless suffering. Not that I hadn't caused my fair share, obviously.

Taking hold of my link with Seras, I eavesdropped on her and Integra's conversation a second time enjoying the words and emotions escaping her lips and her heart.

Integra stared at Seras in amusement. "You have no idea what you're in for, do you? Once you're his...he'll never let you go. Until he finds his next promising bride. And then what? What will you do if he abandons you?"

"I-i hadn't thought of that", her voice replied quietly. "But I really don't care. I'm a survivor, Integra! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Aren't you, Alucard and Walter always saying that phrase?"

Gently smiling, Seras' eyes gazed around the room wondering if a certain vampire had honed in on their exchange. He's too quiet, she thought. More quiet than usual. What's going on?

"Seras, Alucard is like five hundred years old and you're how old...early twenties maybe?" The heiress scoured her employee with a no nonsense glare that told her to think before she acted.

Knowingly, Seras shook her head. "I can't believe you're turning this into an age issue! We're both immortal...age wise. Neither he or I will change facially or bodily unless we choose too, or we're killed. Either way, I really care for him, and if he decides to leave me in the future..." The blond's sentence trailed away giving Integra the answer she wanted.

Integra couldn't bring herself to tell Seras that her servant had been listening in almost the entire time. He'd heard every damning word she'd spoken about how she felt, and why she'd accepted his proposition. The supernatural war hardened woman smirked. She'd thought of a way to give Alucard hell through his fledgling and it was perfect.

"Seras, I must be honest, here." Her snipped, icy tones caught the attention of Hellsing's newest, vampire requisition. Jerking her head towards the ceiling, and around the room, she implicated her servant's hiding places. "We are not alone. Your master has heard every word you've uttered. Every gesture, every look, he now knows the meaning behind each one. Now can you face him? Even if in the future he left you alone? Would you hate him? Despise him? Or would you foolishly continue to love him?"

Integra could feel Alucard's wrath towards her. Chuckling inside, she thought, take that, you damn git. That's for all the trouble you've given me lately! She didn't worry about Alucard harming her because he couldn't. He wasn't able to until he'd partaken of her blood. Blood that she had to give freely. Only she wasn't ready to do that. She didn't know if she ever could.

Seras felt humiliated. Hurt, pissed and humiliated. How could they do this to her? She'd never been anything but faithful, and this is one of the ways they repay her? God knows she'd never been the best, and strongest, vampire due to resisting her blood thirst, but did she deserve to have her innermost feelings and thoughts made open to them? Talk about no privacy!

"Honestly, _Sir Integra, _I've previously considered a few of the things you've mentioned."

"And?"

Coldly, her red gaze settled on the heiress in what she hoped to be a rather intimidating Alucard-like expression. "What difference does it make? If he stays or goes, I mean? If I'm the one he wanted in the here and now...I'd be happy just to have him, if for a time. And when he decided to go, there's nothing I can do to stop him because that would tell me that his heart was no longer with mine."

Crossing her arms tightly against her well developed chest, "I don't want someone with me out of obligation. They either want to be there or they don't. Personally speaking, I've never really loved anyone but him. I'm aware of certain ways he had to act with me, to train me, pushing me to be the best I could. Granted, I wasn't always the most receptive to his ways, but he tried. When it all comes down to it, maybe I'm not meant for him, for this. Maybe he should've killed me the night he turned me. But for some reason...he didn't. I don't know why and I wish I did."

Uncharacteristically quiet, Integra spoke. "Maybe, Seras, he saw something in you. My servant never does anything without reason." Pointedly staring at the young fledgling, "He's never dared to defy my orders before he met you. The night you were turned was the first time. I won't lie when I say that I was pissed and hurt."

"Why? How could his defiance have anything to do with me?" Seras was beginning to feel so nauseated. Her head swimming, she just wanted to crawl into her coffin bed and sleep until her time ran out. But she knew her master would never allow her the coward's way out. Just her damned luck. Even though he didn't care about her that way, he'd probably never let her go. She'd be stuck, trapped, forever. Soon, eternity would be given a whole new meaning.

Rising from behind her massive desk, Integra turned her back to Seras to briefly stare at the grounds outside her windows. Holding the blinds open between her thumb and open hand, she stated sedately, "I'd had Alucard to myself ever since I was a young girl. He'd always followed every order without question, without fail, and here you come into the picture."

"He cradled you so close to him that night that I was jealous, somewhat. He'd never held me that close in all our years together. He'd been my protector, my confidant, and the best friend and brother I never had until he came along."

Seras watched as a slightly sad smile crossed Integra's face. She felt helpless. There was nothing she could say or do to comfort her. For once, Seras was absolutely speechless to counter her employer's claims. So she just listened, forgetting temporarily that another pair of ears were paying attention.

"I witnessed the beginning of a change in Alucard the night he found you. He insisted that you be left to Hellsing's mercy, and that you be allowed to stay with him. You wouldn't believe how stunned I was that he would attempt to order me about; giving me orders. He still does it on occasion, but only when it pertains to you. You're special to him, Seras. More so than I could ever be. And I think, no I'm sure that's were my problem stems from."

"What problem what that be, Sir Integra?" The shorter, height challenged blond hoped that Integra hurried up. The nausea and everything were growing increasingly worse. She didn't know what was happening to her. It seemed that her traitorous body was calling out for her master. It needed him. Correction, _she _needed him. Damn! Bad timing going on here. That was life for Seras in general. Bad luck and even worse timing.

"Frankly speaking...I'm jealous. He's always been there for me, and I know as long as he's obliged under servitude to my family, he always will be. But you're taking pieces of him that I've always felt belonged to me. Little rare smiles, the teasing, the moments of quiet togetherness that only we used to have. Obviously, it never went further than that, but at one time I used to think that I might've allowed it. I came to the realization that it was best for the both of us that it didn't proceed."

"He made me feel so protected and cherished like my life and its continuance was all that mattered to him. If somone so much as gave me a harsh look or reprimand, he was always there, prepared to rip their throats out if I gave the order. It all boils down to that he was dedicated to me and only me. Now he has you. Other than to hand down orders he doesn't need me anymore."

Releasing the blinds from her grasp, Integra tiredly returned to her seat at her desk. "I apologize for unloading this on you like this, but I wanted you to know that there will come a time when you'll no longer be the trusted, cherished one he holds dear." Taking off her wire rimmed glasses, she gave Seras her dismissal. "That's all, Seras. I'm sorry, but I'd like to be alone for a while so you may go."

Knowing an opportunity to escape when she saw one, the strongly conflicted draculina fled from the room. Having no idea where she was headed, she kept walking. Emotionally numb, she walked by Walter without so much greeting. Her eyes stared straight ahead, and her feet pushed her to a destination unknown to her.

Closing her eyes, she pictured the top of the roof, wishing she could be there more than any other place in the world. Her body tingled and feeling strange, she glanced down to see her body vanishing from it's solidified state into nothingness! Shutting her eyes again, she opened them after the tingly, strange sensation had disappeared from her skin.

Amazing! She was right where she wanted to be just by picturing it! Wouldn't her master be pleased with her! She'd done something on her own! He'd be a little impressed that she'd learned something without him having to torture her, lesson wise, about it.

"Master...I wish you were here." But she was certain of his whereabouts for the moment. He was always where he was...in Integra's study. A place where master and servant could share the things and feelings that existed between them, and them only. Seras could understand some of Integra's previously mentioned feelings of inadequacy and jealousy.

Her master would never care for her that way, so she must endure a one sided romance for now. And when her time to be freed occurred, she'd make her own way in the world. But could she really force herself to leave his side? If she did it would be much easier said than done.

"Master, why can't you feel the same?" Tears formed in her eyes as she bittersweetly wished on the stars above. "Why can't you feel something besides sarcasm and antagonism towards me? I can't continuously fight this losing battle. I can't", she ended in a whisper.

Her emotions so staggeringly overwhelming, she never noticed when a second presence joined her on the roof top. He'd heard everything. He felt more than she believed he did. But he'd had so much more time and practice shielding his heart and emotions from those he cared about. There'd never been the time to indulge them due to all the time he'd invested in hardening his heart and feelings towards everyone. Everything.

It all began changing small amounts at a time when he met a very young, frightened Integra Hellsing. In the very moment her uncle plotted to kill her, he attempted to follow through with his madness; Alucard killed him. He'd done it for her as she was the rightful heir and had commanded him flawlessly. The girl had shown him no fear, just as Seras had shown him none when he approached her and the priest in the church.

Integra would always be special to him, but Seras was so much more and was unaware of her position. Fire and ice, blood and water, that's how the two fit. Opposites attracted, fate's magnetism had pulled them together for a reason. Now to see if they'd continue on this path together or not. He had to know.

Hearing her ask, "Master, why can't you feel the same?", he felt the sudden shift in her emotions again, perplexed at their strong intensity. Alucard was certain that he'd make her his queen. She was perfect for him even though she didn't know it yet.

She'd just spoken, brokenly, "Why can't you feel something besides sarcasm and antagonism towards me? I can't continuously fight this losing battle. I can't", her voice faded into the caress of the wind.

"Who's says you have to?"

Seras, startled over an intrusion into her private place, she stumbled forward and would have fallen over the side of the roof if not for her master's quick reflexes. "M-master! What are you doing here?"

Exhibiting none of his usual animosity, he replied, "I heard your call. You needed something so I responded. It's that simple."

Ashamed, she bowed her head. "I know you heard every word passed between Sir Integra and I. I apologize if any of them offended or angered you. I know you don't feel the same as I, and ...I can't help how I feel!"

"Seras, I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve as you do. They can be just as confusing and strange to me as well. What I'm about to tell you goes no further than us, for now. Agreed?" His tone booked no arguments.

Eagerly, she nodded. She'd happily accept any piece of his present, or past willingly given to her. "Agreed."

Holding her close, he ran the back of his fingers tantalizingly, slowly down her soft cheek. Drawing her into his sensual web, he spoke, not with his usual cold, smart assed tone, but with a hint of feeling. Either way it was more than she expected, or asked for.

"Seras, I'm aware that you think I don't care for you, but I do. I can't always show you affection, especially not on a mission. If I were to give way to my heart on a mission it could get us killed. I had to be harsh on you. At first, after I turned you I didn't think you'd make that great of a vampire."

"But?"

Stopping her interruption with his index finger, he said, "Allow me to finish."

"Alright." Waiting anxiously to hear his confession, suddenly she wondered if he was going to admit something that would break her heart.

"You were too soft, too emotional. You needed to settle down, see the killer inside of yourself, and meet her head on. There were things you needed to learn to shape the vampire I wanted you to be. Along the way, I begin to see that I was wrong trying to force you to be something, and someone, you're not. One day, I received a glimpse of the powerful No Life Queen you could become. It was the day Hellsing was attacked by the Valentine brothers."

"You were beautifully exquisite in your wrath. Tearing the ghouls apart, you demolished the majority of their army, almost single handedly. Your actions impressed me, although i will say I was unhappy with your silly, starvation method."

"I'm sorry Alucard, I couldn't help it. I felt my humanity was vanishing before my eyes, even more so after my physchotic black-out that day. I couldn't allow the last of who I am to go away forever. I just couldn't."

"I know, Seras. You have so much potential locked up inside you, and you don't even have a clue. Whether you believe it or not, you are more than a match for me. Your spirit is what I'm referring to. The fire inside you calls to me, draws me like a moth to a flame."

Pulling her tighter into his lean arms, he enjoyed the miracle that she was. He'd wandered this Earth for centuries for his perfect bride, and here she was. There was still much to be accomplished for her transition, but it was all there.

Smoothing her hair, he pressed on, "Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that your humanity is who you are. It's not. The woman you are inside, everything that combines together, your heart, your emotions, is what determines who you are. Humanity is nothing but a state of being, perhaps a state of mind if that's what you will."

"But like this you'll never die from any human affliction unless it's by silver or a wooden stake or such. And I warn you, God help the person who ever hurts you, or attempts to hurt you in such a manner. My retribution towards them will be swift and harsh. I will never let someone hurt you. Not while I'm around to protect you."

"And if it means anything at all to you, I had a little discussion with my master regarding her earlier words and statements. She spoke from her heart, but she could've have handled it in a better way. She sincerely apologized, hoping you wouldn't hold any sort of grudge towards her."

Smiling sweetly at her master, Seras shook her head. "She only spoke the truth. Why would I be angry or hold a grudge? Call me shocked because she actually confided in me, but her words may have hurt some and I realize now that she was trying to help me, not hurt me. So, really, there's nothing to forgive."

Placing a gently kiss against her cool lips, "I want you, Seras, if you'll have me. Ever since the night I met you I've fought my own reminiscent thoughts of my previous life, my own former human nature. I'm a selfish vampire, Seras. Once you're mine...I won't let you go. You were right about that. I won't be able to release you. Ever."

Tears streaming down her cheeks, the petite blond threw herself hard against his muscular chest. "That's all I wanted. Alucard, I've longed to hear you say these things to me, but I was sure you never would. Ninety-five percent of the time, you have your cold bastard persona in place. And I don't think declarations of love would do well to be admitted while you're in that state. So I stayed silent."

"One thing I must know master...why did you choose me? It's impertinent of me to ask, but I need to know." This would be their telling moment. She'd determine here and now whether they'd make it or not. His next words would crush her, or send her soaring. Which would it be?

"I've told you one of the major things already. The fire in your spirit. Your refusal to give up, or give in, despite being faced with a vampire and several ghouls, formerly from your police unit. You stared into my eyes without flinching. You, alone, saw into me, glimpsing small parts of the man buried beneath."

"At first I know you believed me to be a monster. And in all reality...I am." His silky voice wrapped around her skin, wanting to seduce her; wanting to tell her everything.

"You and Integra are the same in a way. You both faced me. You both shoved away the fear you felt of me, confident that I'd save you both, which obviously I did. But you, Seras, went a step further. You embraced the gift I offered, whereas, my master denied it at every turn, her Hellsing pride to stubborn to accept it. She'd always said that she was meant to fight vampires not become one. It was destiny she said."

"Deep inside, for the longest time, I was angry at her for refusing such a powerful gift. But as time passed quickly by, I realized she was right. She wasn't fit for this life. She wasn't meant for me. But you are."

"My master has always been extremely courageous." He cupped Seras' chin in his hand. "You've crashed the one frontier she can't and won't go. For that, I'm grateful; I'll always be."

"Alucard?" Apprehensively, she looked at his eyes. For once, she was almost afraid to ask her next question. "Will you leave me? I mean, if you come across another female vampire whose strength rivals your own, will you desert me? To fend for myself, and continue your position of being all alone? I can't allow myself to become doomed to wander endlessly, searching for a companion."

His lips swept down crushing hers in a fiery clash of possession. Finally he released her from his sensual hold. "There's no need of insecurities. And as for the female vampire who rivals me...I've already met her."

Seras' head fell down to her chest in defeat. She'd already lost, and the war had never truly begun. Red streaks flowed down her face in silent protestation of his cutting words.

To avoid hearing who his equal was, she abruptly spoke, "I'm sorry, Alucard. I can't do this! I can't hear anymore. I must go."

Breaking out of his physical grip, she turned to leave, but he moved to block her path.

"Seras, you must hear this. It's of no consequence whether you want to listen or not. So pay close attention."

"Alright. I'll listen. Or at least I'll try."

She licked her dry lips hoping this would be over with. The pain was excruciating to her soul. Her heart had been splintering, on the verge of shattering.

"Seras, as I was saying before being interrupted. I've met her. She's intriguing, fiery,everything I need. And also, she's a lot closer than you think. I just hope you can forgive my choice and that you won't hate me. But my perfect mate...she's... here in England. Much closer than I could've ever dreamed. She's perfect and that's why I've chosen her."

These things her master was saying increased her pain one hundred fold. The fact that his "perfect" mate was so close, it was unbearable. Tearing away from him, refusing to listen to him, she jumped over the railing; leaving the ancient vampire to gaze after her in with narrowed eyes.

Shaking his head, he whispered after her retreating form, "My perfect mate...is you, Seras. Why can't you see?" Determination gripped him. "I'll make you see one way or another. You'll be mine,no one else can have you. You'll be with me throughout eternity as perfect mates should be."

Feeling the urge for violence well up, he went in search of his master, and a mission.

A/N: Ok...hope you liked it, and I had a damnable time trying to end this chap! There never seemed to be a really good place to stop, but I had to anyway cuz it's like almost 5am! Where'd the time go? ;) Anyway, lemme know how you liked it. :)


	3. What Lies Inside

A/N: Thanx to everyone who read/reviewed! Many thanx! It's to all of you I dedicate this chapter! I only hope it will do justice to the first two chaps... :)

Disclaimer: Don't own nothing in the Hellsing universe. I only wish I did! The only thing I own is my lyrics called What Lies Inside. There'll be language, OOCness (as always), and a little, very small, citrus or lemony part in here somewhere...just a small warning. This will start out in Seras' POV alternating with Alucard's POV and so forth...Enjoy!

Why I Said Yes

Chapter 3: What Lies Inside

Angrily, I kicked a stone across the street, watching it bounce and click along the pavement on its path towards the grass. Who was I kidding? How could he say those things to me and then say he'd met his perfect mate, who just so happened to be in England! I was infuriated to say the least.

My brief happy moment snatched from my hands like it always was. Disgruntled at life's unfairness, I wondered if I'd ever earn any happiness. I wasn't a bad person, or vampire. I didn't kill, unless I had no alternative, didn't steal...so what's the problem with me? Didn't I deserve a slice of happiness and peace like everyone else?

During my mental tirade I noticed there were several males following me. Pushing out with my senses I discovered the lustful, violent thoughts that hung around them as a cloud, a stench overwhelming me as I probed.

My first thoughts were to call my master, but I thought, to hell with him! I'll do it and on my own. I don't need him! I was a capable vampire and they'd learn the whole of it!

Stopping in the alley, I faced them. Six of them stood there prepared to attack. They didn't realize what, or who, they were up against, but I don't believe they would've cared one way or another. As I stared them all down, a notion hit me. They didn't seem right. They didn't seem like normal humans. None of them smelled right, and that's when I noticed the absence of six hearts beating. Damn! Could I handle them all now? Maybe, maybe not. I sure as hell was gonna go down fighting!

The leader stayed back as the ballsiest, or stupidest, one of the bunch approached me. Reaching out he pulled his hands through my short hair; letting the strands run softly over his fingers.

"What have we here, a lost little girl?" His comrades chuckled at what they thought was a clever witticism. They chorused several different things simultaneously egging him on.

Iron in my red gaze, I asked, "Is that supposed to be funny? If so, you were sadly lacking!"

"We have us a comedienne boys. What should we do with her?"

A chill flowed in my voice as I retorted, "How about you fuck off?"

The general consensus was for them to rape then proceed to beat the hell out of me, only I surprised them as I stood there calmly laughing. All of them stood there stupefied, minus the leader. I think he knew. He seemed to know that there was more to me than meets the eye, and that's why he hung back. He wanted to see what I was capable of and I wasn't about to disappoint.

Several of them came closer, molesting my person; their hands groped everywhere.

I felt it coming. The change was overtaking me, and I didn't, couldn't care. Pure strength and fury flowed in my veins as I reached for the closest freak within my grasp.

Kicking, slashing, and biting, I fought my way amongst the six cowards. Ripping arms and legs off, I howled in evil laughter as their blood spurted like violent fountains offering up the chance for a literal blood bath. Another approached me and I instantly thrust my fist threw his ribcage; withdrawing his heart, which no longer beat, I applied more and more pressure until the organ burst into a bloody pulp.

Before I knew it, a claw swung at me; slashing me across the cheeks leaving behind a five fingered trail. Highly infuriated, I swung around in a low, crouching kick and knocked his legs out from underneath him. Triumphant, I reached down grabbing the lower half of his mandible, and with a sickening crunch I ripped it from his face. Summoning more power, I punched hard through bones and muscle repeating the same heart removing procedure as the last. And I felt such horrible power course through me as i destroyed him as well, his blood coating my pale skin with the rest.

The only one who didn't dare touch me, the only one smart enough to wait and see what I could do was the leader. He still stood back watching me through adoring eyes. He eyed me as some sort of bloody trophy. And bloody I was.

Standing there, chest heaving, eyes blazing, I gazed at him through heated, crimson eyes; yelling, "What are you waiting for? Don't you want a piece too?" Throwing my hands up in the air, I taunted him, picked at him, "Here I am! Aren't you gonna come and get me? Are you scared to try?"

His dark eyes skewered my soul as he calmly replied, "We'll meet again, Seras Victoria." Then he vanished. What the hell? He was...gone. And the bastard knew my name! How? Man, the problems just kept growing with no hint of anything being resolved. I could swear that tonight of all night's...life must hate me!

A small voice inside me prompted, 'Go home, Seras. You've done enough, caused enough damage. Sir Integra and Alucard will be furious, to say the least.'

Agreeing with that inner voice, I stood straight up, walking slowly back to Hellsing Manor. I only prayed no one saw me. There'd be no doubt the police would be called as my short, thin body was covered head to toe in thick, coppery blood. The smell constantly assailed my senses, leaving me wanting more. What was wrong with me? I usually care nothing for blood, especially in the manner in which I shed it, but it called to me, my throat parched, head pounding, I longed for it.

Each step was pure hell, torture. Now I really longed for my master. I needed his help only my mind was too damned stubborn to reach for it! Muscles growing weaker from my earlier, physically violent expenditure, my pace slowed, my mind wandered, vision dimming. What was happening to me? My limbs became heavier, everything in my sight fainter than a moment before. Darkness approached.

Alucard stood while talking to his master. Integra smoked her favorite cigars while indulging in a nightcap of whiskey. The longer they talked the more Seras' emotions hit him. First came the anger, the a small amount of fear and then...her blood lust. It swamped him, just as the feeling overwhelmed his fledgling.

"...so Alucard what do you think?" She watched him, wondering what his answer would be.

Turning apologetic eyes to her, "I'm sorry my master, but my attention was elsewhere."

"Ah!" She flashed him a knowing look. "It wouldn't happen to be on a certain short haired blond who has a penchant for getting into trouble, would it?"

He smirked in answer to her question. "She's battling through so many emotions, it's taking me a while to sort through them, that's all. What the hell?" His eyes widened then narrowed in unchecked anger. "What do they think they're doing?! She's mine!" His voice shook with rage.

"Looks like someone's being challenged to a right of ownership, huh?" Integra's blue eyes glinted, twinkling in merriment. She was never one to turn down an opportunity to goad her servant. It was the least he deserved for all the headaches he gave her.

Power surged through the vampire. Shocked, he realized it was Seras' power and she didn't require his help. Sadistic glee surrounded him as he felt Seras tear them limb from limb while enjoying the pain, and death, she inflicted.

Soon after, he felt her power wane, her body growing wearier by the minute. His anger kicked in again at her stupidity. How could she waste all the blood that had been thrown her way? Once again, she'd placed herself at risk for any other creature to take. And they would if they knew she belonged to the great and powerful Alucard. They'd do it because they could.

"Alucard, if she needs you...then go. Don't let anything happen to her. And that's an order." She took a hit off her small cigar enjoying the taste. One of the few things that pleased her nowadays.

"Master, I'll return shortly." Alucard instantly vanished. No shadows, no portal, nothing. She'd rarely seen that feat, of course he'd never been in quite the hurry he was now.

Blowing rings of smoke, she stared at the brightly, glowing stars in the black sky, the heiress contemplated her existence with another shot of whiskey. "Bottoms up."

My eyes, heavy with weariness, closed slowly, my legs collapsed, and I surrendered willingly to the darkness that sought to embrace me. Why had I not called out to him? My stubbornness had fought and won. I knew he'd be angry. I could even picture sparks shooting from his fiery eyes. Basically...I'd be in a hell of a lot of trouble when he finds me. A lot of trouble. Wasn't looking forward to it either.

I felt myself being caught by a strong pair of arms, with a voice to match. The pissed off tones weren't lost on my fading consciousness, "What were you thinking, Seras? Why did you not reach for me, foolish girl?"

Hours later, I awoke. Candles glowing, three people watching me with questions in their eyes. Wait a minute! Three people-here. In the room with me...three people who would demand answers, or at least two of them would. The third would only want to insure I was alright. That's all Walter ever wanted. To make sure I was safe. He was like the father I barely remembered, and he treated me like the daughter he'd had back in his younger years.

My head still pounding, I sat up and groaned. "What happened?"

A flash of annoyance streaked across Integra's calm face. "That's what we'd like to know, Seras." Crossing her legs, still dressed in her suited attire, she gave me an icy look to rival the snow that falls in winter. "What happened out there, and why didn't you call to your master to help you?"

Stunned, I wasn't really sure what to say. They probably wouldn't believe a word. Besides, in their eyes, I felt guilty of a crime that didn't exist. Neither of them had ever told me about vampire etiquette so I was at a loss regarding the right things to say and do. "I'm not exactly sure."

"What do you mean you're not exactly sure", Alucard hissed at me, displeased with my answer. "I saw everything, Seras. Felt what you felt, saw what you saw. Every single thing."

Was I a prisoner? I wondered if I was on trial for something the way Alucard and Sir Integra were carrying on. Maybe if I gave them what they want...maybe they'll leave me be.

"Fine", I shouted. "Six freaks followed me tonight. Five of them attacked and are dead. The sixth one never came near me, and I have no clue to his whereabouts so don't even ask!" Feeling my body return to life, pulses of anger and hurt filled my un-dead heart and head.

Integra's cold eyes speared me, doubting the sincerity of my answer. "He never attacked you? I find that highly unlikely. What did you do with the sixth, Seras." Her already cold voice dropped several more notches, "I'll not ask again."

"The sixth one is alive and well. He saw what I did to the others and he hauled ass, leaving me behind."

Alucard dove into the conversation, or questioning, at this point. "And just what did you do to the others, Seras? Should I let my master see?" A horribly, evil grin flowed across his handsome face, "Or do you wish to tell her of the violence you reaped this night?"

Bastard, I thought. How dare you! Deciding to play his game, I smirked back at him. "I killed them all. They touched me, tried to hurt me; tried to own me. I tore them limb from limb, bathed in their blood which flowed like water from a fountain, and I enjoyed it! Dark power filled me allowing me to dispatch them. In fact, if any attempt it again, I'll tap into it, draw on it, and I'll kill them too."

Winking at Sir Integra, I asked coyly, "How's that for a confession? Are you gonna lock me up? Beat me? Whatever it is...get on with it! I've got things to do!"

Integra rose quickly to her feet; ready to give me a dressing down, but Alucard put out his hand, stopping her. "Master, if you don't mind I'll handle this. There's more to this than we're hearing, or seeing."

Sighing, she glared at me then turned to him, "Very well. But I want this taken care of now! Report to me when thing's are well in hand and dealt with." She left with Walter in tow.

The door shut firmly leaving me behind with a very furious, albeit confused, Alucard. Suddenly, I felt the urge to flee in the midst of a dangerous predator, and that's exactly how my master appeared to me this very moment. A darkly, dangerous, seductive predator. One who could rip me to shreds with one swipe.

Taking hold of my arm firmly, he snarled, "What the hell's your problem? Out with it, Seras, before I lose what patience I have left!"

Laughing in his face, not a very smart thing to do, but I couldn't care less. "What? Are you jealous? That I managed to protect myself and didn't need you? Is that it? I know you loved it when I tore them to pieces. I felt your pleasure at their deaths. And I know it crossed your mind to cause them pain, then death for touching me."

"Yes, I wanted to kill them for touching you! And yes, I felt jealousy and rage. What else am I supposed to feel, Seras? What else do you want from me that I haven't already given?"

His words, an arrow to my heart, broke the barrier causing blood red tears to build, then fall. How could he do that to me with so little effort? He always could, and he knew it.

Even though he was still angry at her, he mentally commended her efforts for the night. It was no wonder she was exhausted. When in beserker mode it easily wore out the most inexperienced, but with time, she'd master it instead of the other way around.

"What is it you want from me, Seras? I ask not as your master, but your friend." His tone had softened somewhat in the hopes the effect would reach her.

"Friend, huh? That's what I thought", I whispered. Pain skewered my heart on the wings of his words. "I don't want a friend, but obviously that's all you're capable of giving so I'll just have to swallow it and accept it. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to be alone for a while." My fury, my anger left as quickly as it had come; leaving me empty of the stronger emotions I wanted to use to keep my pain at bay. Now it seemed I no longer had that either.

Standing on my unsteady feet, I thought about the place I wanted to be, and I smiled sadly as my master noticed my accomplishment.

Appearing on the mansion, standing against the cold, metal railing I stared forlornly at the moon. Once my friend, its light shone brightly accentuating the sadness that I couldn't escape.

A song that I used to listen to came to mind. It's words fit my moment; so I spoke them from the bottom of my bleeding heart.

_A statement, a dare._

_Questions in your eyes._

_Remnants of a faded pondering,_

_Do you love me?_

_Your silence worries me._

_Leads me to believe,_

_Maybe I was wrong._

_Am I delusional?_

_Was it all a dream?_

_I don't know anymore._

_We've become too complex,_

_Longing for a simple situation._

_Complacent in the unspoken,_

_See where it's gotten us?_

I'd thought there was something between me and Alucard, but unfortunately I was wrong, mistaken. Where had we gone wrong? When had the signs been misinterpreted? I sighed and continued speaking.

_Talk to me._

_Tell me what lies inside._

_Speak up._

_Don't force me to steal the golden prize._

_Trust is earned and given,_

_Not stolen in the dead of night._

Where was the trust now? I'd trusted him with my heart and look where it landed me...in a really screwed up situation, that's what! The moment before he told me about his mate I was sure there was something there, something living and real flowing between us. But his confession tore the whole thing to hell including my heart which he'd crushed in his hands. Why the misunderstanding's? There'd been so many mixed signals I was uncertain how to proceed. Oh, how I hated to be uncertain! It made me feel weak and stupid.

_Stranded in bed with misunderstandings,_

_I feel it's best for me to leave._

_But you beg me to say._

_Not with words, but your eyes._

_Their clear depths say you need me,_

_Though your lips speak not a word._

_Your heart's desire,_

_Expressed openly through your soul's windows._

_How I long to look through them with you, at you,_

_To learn your intentions, your feelings._

_What are we to each other?_

_A passing phase?_

_A fleeting moment?_

That's exactly what I wanted to know! What existed between us. Mere friendship, hints of a relationship waiting to bloom...I wanted to know, no, I needed to know. I deserved to know!

_Talk to me._

_Tell me what lies inside._

_Speak up._

_Don't force me to steal the golden prize._

_Trust is earned and given, _

_Not stolen in the dead of night._

_Quench my parching thirst._

_Become my oasis,_

_As in the desert we walk._

_Braving the elements,_

_Discovering who we really are._

_And in the shroud of the stars,_

_Forgetting who we were._

Whispering the last of my words to the wind which tore them away before being heard, I waited on pins and needles. I knew he was nearby. You couldn't miss his blaring presence unless he wished it. Waiting with baited breath and painful suspense, I wished he'd hurry up and get everything over with. I was ready. The wait was making me crazy. Every one of my limbs dreaded his nearness. Betraying me, they cried out for his touch and I waited.

Being the type of vampire gentleman he could be he didn't keep me waiting long. "Seras.."he breathed my name.

The very sound of my name on his tongue drove my ears insane. I was insane with longing. It hurt like hell wanting someone who could never be yours, and knowing they'd never be yours. But all the same...it never stopped me from wanting him.

A strong hand lifted my chin to face him. Black strands blowing in the wind's playful fingers. "Did you mean what you said? Just now, I mean."

"All of it", I sighed. Tired of this game, I'd already decided that if he turned me away I'd face the sunrise. I'd leave this world forever. He was the only reason I'd stayed in the first place. So to loose him would be to loose my reason for living. I know, I had romantic tragedy written all over me, but it was nothing but the truth.

"Seras, what made you think I never wanted you? That there's someone else?" Seductive tones beckoned to me, pressing me closer just to hear my name, feel his arms wrap around me again.

Looking around it was ironic we were back where our confessions began. Crazy, huh? "Well, you said something about your perfect mate being here in England. Not once did you give a name so I assumed you'd summoned someone to come to you, be your queen; therefore pushing me from the picture."

My chest restricted, my head pounding again; my un-dead heart writhing in agony, I just couldn't take anymore. "Please tell me there's no one else. That's all I need to hear. That's all I need to know."

My eyes pleaded with his to say the things I asked of him. I slowly felt my defenses crumbling under his massive presence. "Please..."

"Seras, I did speak of my perfect mate. Only you never stuck around to hear the rest." Smiling, he smirked at my chagrined expression. Pulling me closer to his firm, muscular chest, "There's never been anyone but you. You're my perfect mate, Seras. I tried to tell you, many times, but you were always convinced there was someone else, and there never was."

Closing my eyes, liquid relief escaped, falling down my face. A pair of soft, gentle lips tenderly kissed them away.

Alucard's experienced lips descended on mine showing me the love he'd been longing to show, express.

Why had I been so pig headed? If only I'd stayed the other night all this could've been avoided. Not that I'd willingly admit to any of the above with being pig headed and more.

His talented hands caressed me in multiple places at once, and I felt his shadowed tendrils touch me in the most intimate of places; lighting my inner fire. I wanted him. It was never any more clearer to me than right now.

My hands reached up to touch his masculine chest. I allowed them to languidly slide down the muscles; stopping near his pride and joy. He growled. I giggled.

I still haven't figured out that to tempt a demon was to tempt fate...I seriously doubt I'd ever learn that lesson.

"Show me the world, Alucard. Show me your world", I urged as I pushed his red coat from his broad shoulders. "I want to see the man underneath the mask, the vampire that lies inside."

"And so you shall", he agreed. "You'll be the first to completely know, to see what lies beneath."

Gently laying me on the roof, he proceeded to show me just how talented his hands and mouth really were, and as the moon's our witness; we made love until the first ray's of light lit up the horizon signaling night's end.

Retreating to his coffin, we curled up snugly in each other's arms with dreams for the future dancing through our heads. The future. Our future. Such a nice ring. A beautiful beginning to a beautiful day.

A/N: There you go guys...sorry it took so long on the update...I can only hope it was at least slightly worth the wait. Now you know what to do...pretty please:)


	4. Changes

Thanks to the following who left me their kind comments for chapter three: verybigbrain, aska19, Amory-chan, Ludifer and RosaryMustang. Thanks so much and hugs to you all:) And for those of you who didn't review you were appreciated as well just for stopping by. :)

Oh, and Amory-chan...I'm keeping my promise. I've updated Rain and now since you requested this story to be updated I can't wait to read your update that you mentioned. :)

And my last thanx goes to Ludifer for putting up with me begging her to read my ideas and give me her thoughts. I appreciate you lots, girlie! **Hugs to ya! Btw, I'm glad you liked the story I wrote for ya:)**

Disclaimer: Hellsing and characters don't belong to me. Also, I'm making no financial gain from the penning of this fictitious story. Standard warning for language, violence and adult situations apply.

Why I Said Yes

Chapter 4: Changes

The night opened forth, humid, heavy and smelling like the rain that suddenly poured down; then ceased. Jagged forks of lightning danced across the sky accentuating the haunting, shadowed landscape. The only sound emitted on the small breeze, suckling, guzzling noises indicative of something feeding. Someone or something was hungry, evident in the greedy licking and sucking sounds coming from the pair underneath a gigantic oak tree.

The moon's harsh light illuminated a female figure crouched over a dying man, limbs twitching as he succumbed to death's final throes. Mouth agape as a pleasure sweeter than no other washed over him; taking him on a wave of killer seduction, his body cooling, shutting down, the final processes eliminated, death's precipice had arrived.

He died quickly. Muscles spasming. Body wrenching to free himself; only to fail in the end. Warm, rich blood pulsing through his veins flowed into the creature who held him captive in a steel grip. The look on his face wasn't one of terror, but one of ecstasy. It appeared that despite having his throat torn open, the young man died happy, his face frozen forever in an expression of bliss- and acceptance.

The last of the blood ran fluidly down the woman's throat. Suddenly alarm spread over her face, red eyes wide in shock. "What have I done?" Eyes catching small spatters of red along her hands and uniform, panic ensued within. "How could I have done this", she cried. "This isn't me!" Dropping to her knees, falling prostrate along the ground, she wept, her heart breaking over the sin which would lead to her demise.

She'd sworn never to take blood from an unwilling or unmarked source. And tonight she'd not only broken it, but obliterated everything she'd worked hard for: acceptance, friends, and a place to call home. Squeezing her eyes shut she attempted to recall the night's events leading up to her attacking an innocent. Someone who'd never go home again. A man who no longer had a home. He had nothing because he was dead.

Gone. Just like that. An innocent who'd never asked nor deserved the actions she'd indulged in, giving creedence to what a certain cold heiress believed about all vampires. They were killers whom you could never trust. Killers who followed only instinct, never truly caring for the humans around them.

Images swirled in her frantic mind. Scenes upon scenes superimposed themselves, playing as if on an inner screen displaying her most past, her most recent, memories. Halo shapes danced around the edges of these visions deliberately keeping her from witnessing and recovering the information telling her why she'd snapped, committing such a horrible murder.

"No", she whispered as a familiar image swam before her. Putting her small fingertips against her cold, trembling lips she remembered.

The brunette from the other night when those damned freaks attacked her, he'd not only been there but he'd messed with her mind. She was sure of it. Had he done something to her? To her memories? Had he somehow forced her to carry out such an evil deed?

Feeling lost Seras wandered aimlessly, thoughts as chaotic as the creatures stumbling in the dark to escape her path. They sensed her troubling emotions, fire and ice, simmering volcano, and raging storm. They felt it all and scurried to get away, hurrying away from the violent emotional currents streaming from her mind, manifesting into and feeding the storm above her conflicted head.

"I have to leave. It will only be a matter of time before Integra finds out what I've done and orders my death. But will Alucard submit to her order?" Angrily snorting, "Of course he will. Why wouldn't he? She's the master, he the servant, and once again...I'm no one. There's no way", she sighed, breath expelling heavily from lungs that longed ceased their function, "he'll disobey her and save me. Not that I blame him. Maybe after tonight I deserve death."

"_**You do not deserve death for something you enjoyed. Nor should you punish yourself for what you needed. You're too weak. I feel your hunger stabbing at me, constantly surrounding me. It frustrates me, angers me that you refuse to accept sustenance from those who'd offer it freely. Mainly me."**_

His last thought pierced her emotions, tears welled though she refused to let them out. He would censor her over her feeding habits. He always had and he always will. That much will never change.

"_**Come home, Seras. We've much to discuss."**_

His words, an imperious command, heavy with compulsion, offered no argument; allowed no room for interpretation or denial.

Sadly, she turned from him, the contact between them, knowing she couldn't return to Hellsing, to him. All because one woman. Integra Hellsing. Cold, harsh steel in the middle of any given situation. A woman who took shit from no one, even Alucard.

Feeling her master probing her mind, Seras pictured a large, heavy, metal door at the beginning of her mind. Slamming it shut, she effectively ousted him from her private thoughts; immediately feeling his displeasure at her doing so she whispered her apologies to the wind, knowing he could hear every word.

Continuing to walk in darkness, shadows reached out to envelop her petite body. Steadily blowing currents whipped back her hair, tore at her clothes. Lightning flowed all around her, yet she was unafraid. Beads of water began to pelt her, their hard, cool moisture stinging her skin, but she felt no pain. Not from the rain. Rain, usually welcomed by her, but not tonight as this couldn't wash away her sin. One of the commands, sins, given by Integra which she'd blatantly ignored. Tonight nothing could wash, or purge, her mind or soul or relieve it from such a heavy burden.

Black confines swallowed her whole as she took to the air in the hopes of finding something to lighten her soul, darkened by this evening's deed. Her pain...grave indeed. For tonight she'd begun the final, irrevocable steps to losing that which she considered her greatest attribute- her humanity. Or what was left of it.

Whips of wind blew across her face. The moon broke out from behind its hiding place between two dark clouds highlighting the bloody streaks flowing down her pale skin. Where can I go, she wondered. Lost. That's how I feel. Yes, lost.

Consumed, she flew onwards into the night. Lost.

"Alucard, are you listening to me?" A sharp, female voice reprimanded him, her voice obviously irritated. Taking a short draw from the small, cylindrical cigar, blue eyes narrowed, her expression clearly displeased.

"Not really", he replied. His tone indicated that the vampire's attention was engaged elsewhere.

Alucard's tall, lean form stretched out in one of the tall high-backed chairs usually reserved for special guests, but tonight he'd made himself at home. Trademark orange glasses sat perched atop his nose, crimson eyes barely viewable over the top of the rims.

Something was happening, distracting him, angering him; keeping him from concentrating on his mission brief. Integra was willing to bet it was a certain blond getting her ass in trouble again. It never failed! The heiress slammed her fist against the massive mahogany desk, "Alucard! I demand you pay attention. I don't care what that fledgling of yours has gotten herself into she's going to have to work it out on her own! You can't keep running after her and cleaning up her messes! She's a vampire, not a child, and she damn well needs to start acting like it!"

The vampire had opened his mouth to speak only Walter's voice interrupted.

"Integra, we have a problem."

The butler and former Hellsing operative appeared quite nervous and unsure. His hands kept straightening his black tie, adjusting its position at the neck, ensuring the knot was precisely where it should be. The older gentleman waited on Integra to give him permission to speak.

"What is it, Walter? It can't be that bad, for the love of God!" She wasn't about to admit it but the sight of Walter in this condition was almost laughable. He'd always been so together, neat and most of all prepared. Now he seemed so out of place and out of rhythm.

Alucard held his breath hoping that the retired Angel of Death wouldn't be bringing news of Seras' actions. It wouldn't bode well for his fledgling at all. Breaking off his link with her, he listened as Walter began.

"It seems that Seras has turned renegade. She willfully attacked a young, mortal man moments ago and our intel has it that she's gone beserk, attacking several humans, since then. From what I've been able to gather from Pip and the Geese...she's not the same Seras as we know her. It's possible she is being controlled by someone other than Alucard."

At the mention of his name, a dark eyebrow lifted in response to the insinuation. "No one would dare", he growled.

"Oh, please, Alucard. You're not the only vampire in this country! You know full well that there've been several vampires in the past who've done everything they could to exact revenge on you!" Her frigid eyes slid to Walter and returned to the No Life King who stood to his feet.

Fury burning in his eyes, body tight with tension, he barked, "I must go, Integra."

Nodding in agreement, she said, "Bring her back, alive, Alucard. There's more than meets the eye to this. I just have that feeling."

Without further speech, the dark, mysterious vampire faded from sight; leaving Integra and Walter to glance at each other in confusion.

A dark form urged the blond to continue her feeding frenzy, "Come on, Seras. You need more." The soft, powerful voice compelled her with a fierceness almost equal to her master. "Doesn't the blood revive you as nothing else? The way it slides down your throat, warm and fluid, does it not call to you?"

Seras, hair askew, blood covering her mouth, neck and hands, sat hunched over on a slab of concrete. Staring at the mass of broken bodies, blood streaming from each one, torn apart, victims mindlessly murdered. Crimson tears fell from her eyes, streaming down pale skin, splattering on the pavement beneath her feet.

"Leave me alone", she muttered. "Go away!"

The voice laughed as her pleas grew in momentum, their volume increasing with every chanted phrase. Strolling up to the fallen angel, he hunkered down besider her, his thumbs wiping away her tears as he said, "This is what you're meant for...an instrument of death. Come with me, Seras. Everything will be so much more than you dreamed. You won't have that bitch of a Hellsing breathing down your neck, nor will you have that monstrosity, Alucard hovering; always pointing out your mistakes and how you're less of what you should be."

She'd quietly sobbed until he insulted her master. That was her final straw. Anger consumed her as he threated to obliterate her master; leaving her free to do as she wished. Reacting before her brain could think Seras shoved the vampire away from her; knocking him on his ass. Incensed, the discord-stricken Seras rose to her feet, eyes burning as twin coals of red-hot fury.

"Don't. You. Ever. Threaten. Him." She warned the vampire, who laughed at her seething verbalization. Abruptly reaching down, grabbing him by the lapel of his black leather jacket she hissed, "You're not fit to mention his name! Nor or you fit to think about him, talk about him or come near him, you low-classed, filthy, trash bastard!"

"Now we're getting somewhere, Seras. Let it out! Your hate, your anger, your fears...give them to me and we'll be as one." He calmly looked the fanged lioness in the eye, calmly stating, "I know you've been wanting to know how I am, and so I'll tell you."

She dropped her guard momentarily as he told her his name was Isaac. No last name given, just Isaac. He proceeded to give her the details she wanted and with each one her fury increased. Especially as she thought about this cockroach attempting to exist in the same vicinity as her master.

Time passed and he gave her an ultimatum. Join him or join her soon to be dead master. In the blink of eye she answered in the negative, telling him instantly to go to hell. To which he replied he loved a woman with fire and spirit.

Suddenly, he flew at her and the fight was on. Rapid blows, kicks, spins, flips and other qualities equal to a limber gymnast were put to display. Claws raked against clothes and flesh leaving bloody trails spilling in their wake.

Thunder cracked overhead as lightning crackled above them, nature absorbing the negative emotions and energy. The wind kicked up huffing stoutly in protest as the couple dueled, their fight...a fight to the death. Creatures began to gather observing the skirmish. Wolves and bats sat watching silently, each one an observer, and enforcer to the old rules.

Finally, they two vampires, worn out from their battle staggered away from the other and collapsed to the concrete. Isaac, confused about her dedication to a master who ignored her and treated her like hell asked only one question.

"Why? Why, Seras? Why did you say yes?"

There it was...the proverbial question she'd been slapped with all along. Now, here it was again. "Why did I say yes to what? And why do you want to know?" A cold, hard glint in her eye, muscles tensed, she was prepared to leap back into action should the need arise. But first she had to be certain he was asking the question that she had posed to herself, regarding Alucard and her subsequent turning, a short time ago.

"You agreed to go with Alucard. Why? What made you say yes?" His dark, fathomless eyes pierced her reddened ones. "It can't be for power since you don't seem to want it. You don't strive for it. I, on the other hand," he gestured at himself, "live for it. I continue my existence only to gain more and more power everyday. And I don't care who I have to hurt to get it. That's what makes your master and I both monsters. We'll do whatever it takes to get us what we want."

"You're wrong," she protested violently. "My master is nothing like you and should you ever meet him you better pray to God he either lets you live or kills you quickly. He'd tear you to shreds before you could blink. My master could destroy you with a mere thought. You're nothing to him but dog food!" She remembered as her master had told her what he'd said to Luke Valentine before his hell hound feasted on his flesh, blood and bones...he'd told him that he was nothing but dog food for his hound before allowing the creature to devour the weak, powerless freak.

A voice penetrated her defensive, verbal ferocity.

"_**Don't scare him off before I get there, Seras, and ruin my fun! He sounds like an interesting kill to me. Maybe for once I'll get to play with a vampire who truly has some skill. Keep him talking", **_Alucard ordered.

Recalling the reasons she agreed to follow Alucard into the night, she started, "I found him intriguing. He saved me from a freak vampire one night. Dark, dangerous, mysterious, he was the epitome of a shadowed savior. Although he killed me in order to accomplish his goal...it mattered not. He saw I wasn't ready to die. He knew I wasn't ready. So he extended the offer that few will ever receive."

Her eyes widened as she recounted that strange night. "He killed the priest and then he turned me. It was my choice, my free will. Not many get that chance, so I figured it'd be best to take my chances with him."

A ghost of a smile broke out on her translucent face, illuminated by the moon's soft glow before it tucked behind some black clouds as the storm's vortex increased. That could mean only one thing...her master, Alucard, was near.

Shifting his weight, Isaac watched her as she told her story. He'd found it hard to digest that any female would willing attach herself to such an arrogant, cold, killing machine for eternity. "How did you die?" He spoke bluntly.

"Alucard shot me. To get to the priest he had to go through me. In the literal sense, of course. But as I lay dying, my blood escaping from the wound, he gave me my first and last mortal kiss. The kiss of death. And over the time I've spent with him my feelings have only increased. I felt such attraction to him that night that I can't explain it, and I won't explain it."

Taking up her defensive stance she coldly informed him, "Now, it's time we finished this!"

"I agree."

Thrown into a flurry of blurs and motions, the two vampires fought ferociously, fangs glinting under the light from the spiked, forked flashes of lightning, claws slashing at each other's throats in time with the rolling thunder.

Flipping backwards, Seras felt something well deep inside, a wrenching, a tearing. Suddenly, a shadow burst forth from her body and attacked Isaac. Blackness enveloped him, ripping him to bits and sending muscle, bone and tissue flying into the air before turning into the typical gray ash.

The storm immediately responded to Seras' will and calmed into a tranquil, moonlit night. Disbelievingly she stared at the spot where her opponent had stood. "What just happened? What the hell did I just do?"

"Well done, Seras", her master admitted.

His voice a low, dark timbre always made her think of sex and chocolate. Seras, get your mind out of the gutter, she admonished. She gave a squeak when he replied in her mind, '_**Oh, but I like your mind where it is.' **_His voice teased at the corners of her mind.

Pulling her close he said, "Time to go back to Hellsing, Seras. You've much to answer for." Staring into her pleading eyes he stated calmly, "Don't worry. We'll get this worked through. And if it makes any difference to you...Integra never believed you'd done these things of your own free will."

Seras said nothing. Too much occupied her thoughts. Mainly, she pondered what had happened at the end of her and Isaac's battle. Where had those shadows come from? And why had they suddenly attacked?

"You'll receive your answers once we've returned and everything's settled", Alucard said. "Now, it's time to go."

Holding her firmly, Alucard opened a portal, it's confines collapsing in after their entrance and they stepped out into Integra's office. Time for explanations and recriminations.

Integra glanced up to see her servant holding firmly to his fledgling, questions broiling in both their eyes. She cleared her throat and announced, "Let's begin."

A/N: That's it for this chapter guys...I've decided that the next chap will be the last for this story. Next time: Loose Ends...


	5. Loose Ends

Thanks to the following for reviewing last chapter: Chaerring Trinity, HimmelsDraculina, aska19, Mistress Mizu, Ludifer, Amory-chan, obsessed dreamer, Shenlong7, Shona-Chan, silent, SakuU, RyousRayne. I appreciate all of your comments! :) It was also your voices that helped influence me to continue further than one more chapter, so be proud of yourselves! :)

Disclaimer: Hellsing and characters don't belong to me, nor am I making any financial gains from penning this tale. Damn! "If beggars had horses horses...we'd all ride." ;) Or at least I think that's how it goes...

Note: I know last chapter I said that this one would be it, but now that I've gone back and reread it...I've changed my mind and will do a few more. Can't say how many more, but we'll see how the plot bends. Does that make some readers happier? :) Also, I didn't think I could give it a great enough ending without cramming too much into one chap, so you all get your wish. There will be more.

One last thing I'll say, however, is to apologize for the length of time it has taken me to update. Between working and home life I've been fairly exhausted until recently, and have a renewed energy for writing. So I'm going to attempt to take advantage of this energy and get all my Hellsing fics updated as soon as I can. Thanks to all for reading and being so patient!

Oh! And before I forget...this chapter will be in Seras' POV.

Chapter 5:

Loose Ends

Embraced in darkness, surrounded by blackness no matter where I looked, I felt the stillness of the void we traveled through. Alucard held me tightly against him, his body immovable as stone as he carried me through the shadows, his shadows.

Neither of us said anything. Our situation too complicated to be alleviated by whatever small talk or implications that would occur. And honestly...I was at a loss for words. For the first time I had no idea what to say to my master, the one who held my affections, and my heart, in his strong hands. He could destroy me with a thought, or with a careless word or phrase.

Biting my lower lip gently, I wondered what he was thinking, what he'd say once we arrived at Hellsing. Would he or any of the rest condemn me? Would he understand? Did he have a clue as to what was streaking through my head? Did he care? Would his mentality return to that of a callous brute, unwilling to forgive, despite his countless mistakes? I had to admit...I was afraid. Very, very afraid.

A gentle whoosh and the shadows slid back, revealing Integra's office. The cool blond sat behind her desk pouring an amber colored liquid into a crystalline glass. She hadn't spotted them yet, but her eyes narrowed and slid around the room as if trying to detect their supernatural presence.

"To hell with it", she muttered. "To fortification." She raised her glass briefly before bringing to her lips, swallowing its contents in one gulp.

"Isn't it a little too early in the evening for that, Integra?"

Startled, she barked, "Alucard, reveal yourself!" She tired of these games he always played. Always trying to frighten her. "What information have you gathered?" Her eyes watched him expectantly.

Still holding me in his firm grip, he stepped from the shadows, which had hidden us well and served their purpose. We moved closer to her desk, yet he refused to release his hold. I almost thought he might be afraid to let go, but that was a silly idea for he was afraid of nothing. Never had been. He was Alucard...king of the vampires. Nothing ever scared him. Nothing. In fact, he laughed at fear.

"_**That's where you're wrong, Seras." **_His voice hummed along our link, breaking my focus away from Integra, and from him. Was he indirectly admitting that at one time he'd been the victim of fear? I couldn't accept that. I couldn't accept that this tall, dark and handsome creature standing by my side ever allowed that sort of emotion to lay claim to him. Silently I vowed that I'd get the story whenever I found ourselves alone once again.

But for now I decided to turn my errant attention back to the task at hand. No time to drift away. I had to get to the bottom of tonight's events. I just had to. If not me... someone had to. I needed to know just what was happening to me, and was it just an isolated incident? I couldn't say for sure. One thing I could say is that Alucard was pleased, and so I wondered if it was a good thing. Surely, he wouldn't be acting as the cat with the cream, if it wasn't. Again, I forced myself to focus on the situation and conversation at hand.

I listened as Alucard recounted his story of the condition in which he'd found me, along with the memories he'd viewed through our shared link, and those which he'd sifted from my head. The whole experience was almost surreal, dream-like.

Personally, I didn't want to relive any of those memories, but they all kept replaying, frightening images of Isaac, of me, and how I killed him. It all played like a movie in my mind. The movie would finish and begin all over again. I was slightly horrified with the violent glee in which I tore apart the vampire that face me. Was there a possibility that I'd accidentally do that to Alucard, should I lose all vestiges of control?

"_**You're not strong enough to kill me. I thought you knew better by now, Seras"**_, he admonished me teasingly. _**"I've been to the deepest, darkest pits of hell, and they voluntarily sent me back. What does that tell you?"**_

Smirking slightly I replied along our link, _**"It just implies that you were a pain in the ass they didn't want to mess with, so they sent you back. Now you're our pain in the ass."**_

A seductive chuckle reverberated throughout my head. I knew he'd find it amusing, and that he wouldn't be insulted. Alucard was one vampire that was difficult to insult, however, if you insulted Integra or myself, that was a different story. She and I, we're the two women in his life that he protects; the least little threat always dealt with harshly, unless one of us intervenes on the other party's behalf. Doesn't usually happen though, as we feel the insulter needs a healthy dose of fear, so the incident wouldn't be repeated.

"Alucard, what of the vampire? Is he dead or just maimed? Who was he?"

His master was as impatient as Seras with her questions, numerous as they were. Her blue eyes snapped with a coldness that froze me with the smallest look.

"She dispatched the vampire at the scene. That I witnessed for myself." His eyes turned towards me. "The vampire she killed, his name was Isaac. I don't know who he was, but I believe someone is in the shadows, directing her moves, treating her as a puppet on a string, making her behave unpredictably as lately. Tonight, I felt a strong presence. It retreated as soon as I arrived. It seemed this creature was afraid to face me."

I sighed. "Alucard, have you ever looked in a mirror on your worst day? You'd scare the hell out of me, too, if I didn't know you any better!" I knew damned well he was aware that he's a very intimidating and frightening vampire. He was just fishing for compliments. The way I felt at this moment...he certainly wasn't getting any from me!

Confusion. Fear. Uncertainty. Feelings of loss, of being lost, swept over, creating more thoughts of inferiority, and wondering just what I was changing into. My entire being felt different. Darker, somehow. Darker and more powerful. It was there on the edge. Me, myself and I balanced on the edge of a knife, looking for the cause of this change, looking for a way to save myself, waiting for an answer.

"She's acquired a new ability, Integra."

Alucard's statement sucked me back into the conversation.

"What ability would that be?"

Integra appeared every inch a very unhappy camper. In a way...I couldn't care less. I was feeling tired, and with so many emotions swamping me I just needed some peace and quiet. I just needed to be alone. Away from her, away from _him_.

"_**Now, you don't mean that, Seras"**_, his dark voice buzzed in my mind. Honestly, I wanted to deny his words, yet I knew the ring of truth within them. Worse yet...there wasn't much I could deny when it came to him. Damn my hormones! And for once...damn my lingering humanity! It it weren't for them...I wouldn't feel, couldn't feel. Not this much for him anyway.

Liar! My heart screamed loud and strong. I really was such a liar. Too bad I couldn't just rip out my heart, but then I'd be ridding myself of one of the best parts of me. One of the major things that held me to my humanity.

"...shadows. Her shadows have been given life", he finished with a smirk.

An eyebrow arched high, giving her a look of dubiousness. Still, she said not a word.

"Shadows erupted from her body and tore the cockroach to pieces. I saw it with my own eyes, Integra. Don't believe me? I'll show you", he taunted, a proud tone to his voice she rarely heard.

"Don't be smug, Alucard! Besides, there's no way in hell I'm letting you in my head, not tonight anyway. I've got a whopper of a headache, and I don't need you screwing with it!" Her eyes and posture relaxed somewhat, becoming softer as she ventured forth with her next question. "What caused the appearance of her shadows, do you think?"

I stood there silently, still pressed firmly against his side, waiting for an answer. That was one I definitely wanted to know. Why had my shadows come? Why now? I didn't even know I had them until tonight. Now, I'd get the truth firsthand.

"I'm certain it was the fight or flight response. When fledgling vampires find themselves in this sort of situation...their body fights back, bringing new abilities to the surface, allowing them to manifest, reacting in a violent, deadly manner, sometimes in an explosive way. It's all very unpredictable."

Sneaking a quick look at me, he continued. "In Seras' case, her shadows came into existence, killing the maggot who threatened her. There will be more abilities to come, but we can't predict when they'll show themselves. Only time, and Seras, can do that."

"What of this presence you felt escape upon your arrival?" Integra certainly wasn't thrilled at another enemy so soon, but life didn't stop, and neither did the monsters. They never seemed to stop. You knock down one and another steps into it's place. Talk about a frustrating and annoying life. Yet it was hers. And she'd take running Hellsing over some beaurocratic appointment any day.

His mouth hardened into a tight line. "It was unfamiliar to me. The moment he or she sensed me, they ran. I'm not sure if fear or some other reason existed behind their hasty retreat." His eyes hardened, a burning fury still smoldering from earlier. "I do know that they haven't the slightest notion of who they're messing with, or they wouldn't be so daring."

"I agree", I put in. "But then again...what if they're a psychopath just like my master? What if they have no fear? What if they're searching for an opportunity for a bloodbath? A chance to kill an ancient?" I felt my eyes widen 'til I thought they'd pop out of my head. "What if this other entity is an ancient as well? What are we going to do? Will they come for me again? Or will they come for my master", I questioned fretfully.

I wasn't afraid for Alucard, not really. I was more afraid for myself. So many things were happening at once: another vampire was stalking me, using me, Alucard admitting his feelings, and the emergence of another gift. Couldn't think, or breathe.

I felt a tightness in my throat, the feeling of suffocation, though I didn't require air, I still clung to the sensation just as I clung to the last threads of my humanity. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. The walls of my mind encroached on each other, giving me a pounding headache. The room was stifling, the air heavy and hot, choking me. Had to get out. That's all I could think. That's all I knew.

Gathering my strength, I quickly shoved Alucard away from me and allowed the shadows to swallow me and carry me where they willed. I didn't care. Anywhere was better than there.

Feeling the vortex pulling me through, I opened my eyes as the shadows receded, revealing my whereabouts. What the hell? How had I managed to come here? Here was the last place I wanted to be? Damn! Nothing was going my way tonight. Did the fates or someone else despise me that much? Was a moment of peace too much to ask? And in this place, this sanctuary, I'd receive neither quiet nor peace, as every waking, or sleeping moment, would be spent thinking of _him_.

Climbing into his familiar coffin, breathing in his masculine scent, the question that began it all returned to haunt. Why? Why did I agree? Why did I say yes? Running my fingers lightly over the red satiny material I smiled weakly, realizing I wouldn't be alone for long.

I'd known since the second I'd seen him that, yes, at first I was afraid of him, intimidating as he was, but something clicked on a deeper level. I may have been scared, yet I was intrigued. He saved me twice the night I was turned, in more ways than one.

I suppose you could say I agreed to accept his gift because I didn't want to die. But who does? None of us is ever ready. Truthfully, I accepted his kiss as I was exhausted of being alone, never having anyone to share my life, however small a part.

As he extended the invitation, I sensed no hesitation on his part, only a smidgen of guilt, and maybe selfishness. I think he'd been lonely, too. He'd never said as much, but I could feel it. Maybe that night we'd felt the loneliness in each other, and saw the potential for a better life with the both of us together. There's strength in numbers and his seemed to double the night I joined him, surrendering my blood, and my life, to him and him alone.

Whatever feelings I'd possessed that night, they'd grown exponentially. I knew I loved him. Had for some time. I'd do anything for him, die for him if it came down to it. All to keep him safe, not that he needed my help. It's funny, though, that when you're in that deep...you'll do anything for love, no matter if its right or wrong.

I'd categorically listed all the reasons I'd said yes, most of them revealed to Alucard by now, but a few had stayed silent, but waiting.

Feeling his arms and body materializing beside me, fear began to creep towards me again, a silent menace. He just held me, letting whatever comfort he could offer flow between us. This, I decided, was another reason I said yes. Because I'd sensed more than violence, fear and hatred beneath the vampire. I'd felt there was more to him than all of that... and I felt that he could drop his barriers, letting someone else in, were they the right one. And how I'd been right.

Yet I couldn't help my thoughts returning to the elusive, mystery vampire that had hastily left in the heralding of Alucard's coming. Who was he? Just what did he want? Was it me? Or was I a means to an end? Even more painful, I wondered if he'd use me as an instrument of death again? To kill innocent humans. I couldn't bear to submit myself in that way ever again.

Alucard, as if sensing my thoughts, though he didn't say he'd read them, tightened his hold and whispered softly in my ear. His dark, enthralling voice captivated me, seduced me and distracted me. For the longest time we lay just like that, neither of us moving.

"We'll discover the identity of this vampire, Seras, I swear it", he vowed. "We'll find him, exterminate his sorry existence, and then we can return to a normal life."

I scoffed. "A normal life? What is a normal life exactly?" I turned slightly to see the amused expression on his face accompanied by his typical smirk.

"With me...who needs normal? Why settle for normal and ordinary when you can have extraordinary and the object of your fantasies?"

He did it. He broke through my fear. He'd obliterated it just as I had that vampire tonight, and all so effortlessly. He knew how to take my mind off things. His gesture, so sweet and innocent, quickly escalated into heat and passion, a distraction I readily welcomed. And just like that he showed me just how distracting he could truly be.

A/N: Well, chapter five is at an end, but don't worry there's more to come. Next chapter: Behind Enemy Lines... Seras will finally meet the vampire behind it all. But what will she discover? And will she survive to tell the tale? Until next time...


	6. Why Her?

A/N: First of all I'd like to apologize for the length of time between updates. I've had too much crap going on, but I hope it'll soon settle down.

Next I'd like to thank the following for their reviews and inspiration, and for keeping me going in the first place: **Amory Blackwood, RyousRayne, Lara, ThunderxShadow, Tsuyama Kasugai and Lil-Blood-Sucker. ****You guys rock!

Also, to those who've only read I appreciate you as well as those who've reviewed past chapters. I thank you for your time! :) This is the chap you've all been waiting for...the chap where Alucard comes clean about why he chose Seras. I only hope I do it justice.

Disclaimer: Refer to chapter one. I'm too lazy and sick right now to type the damn thing out again. This is rated T for language and adult situations.

The majority of this chapter will be in Alucard's POV unless indicated. I've also decided to stretch this out for a few more chapters if anyone is still reading and interested.

Why I Said Yes

Chapter 6: Why Her?

Why did I choose Seras? Some time ago that question would've forced me to ponder my answer. From the beginning, she was a horrible vampire. Her abilities were slow to manifest, she was unwilling to harm another being, no matter that the creature or creatures had been deceased, no humanity left in their desicated, supernatural existence. There was also the drinking blood issue.

That problem has been a bane for not only myself but my master as well. Seras was a vampire, albeit a fledgling, but that didn't change the fact that she was a vampire; she needed to act it! We -Integra, Walter and I- experienced a somewhat small sigh of relief the day she'd been attacked, tearing those freaks apart with her bare hands. She'd allowed her inner creature out to play and the results were spectacular! The enjoyment, the thrill, the feeling of causing another pain pulsed in her veins, and I felt every emotion with her- every high, every rending, tearing sensation, every drop of blood spilt. I felt it all with her. Every last cold, mentally numb and dark moment; I enjoyed it more than words could describe. Had I still possessed a beating heart, it would have been pounding out a rapid rhythm, caught within her joy, my joy.

Seras in all her fragile, pale beauty swathed in blood, streams of it flowing down her arms, hands and legs, reminiscent of carnage galore, angry that I'd not been privy to the entire incident. Her once blue eyes, now crimson, burning with a fierce, cold delight; an exuberance that matched my own, twin flames of blood-lust burning, aching. She'd become what I wanted, what I lectured her to be. A killer. She'd become, however momentarily, an image of the No Life Queen I knew existed within. She only had to overcome her humanity, yet another thorn in my immortal side.

It wasn't as if I demanded she forgo her morals. I just expected her to lower them sometimes, adjusting them to fit the situation. One must have standards, even for a creature of the night. For those who discarded them...they are the true monsters- the blights on society, and my master considers it our duty to eliminate them. And so we carry out her missive.

Now...as to Seras. There's so much that needs to be said in this monologue. I guess it's providential I have all night to assuage your curiosity. Yes, I know. You're all dying to know why I chose such an unlikely candidate for my mate. A young woman constantly concerned with her human counterparts' well-being. For me, most of the time I couldn't give a damn, but Seras...she preoccupies herself with their safety, especially with those who were friends in her former existence.

That night, when we'd first met in Cheddar, running for her life, gun clenched tightly in hand. First, she'd run from her unfortunate colleagues, each turned to zombies; then that's when I saw her. Gun held chest high and held tightly in her fists as she aimed at the cursed female zombie approaching. Just before she could shoot, I struck. Thrusting my hand forwards with precise aim, I felt my white gloved hand pierce skin, muscle, bone and finally...her decayed heart. The once beating organ exploded with a pop and her body fell to the ground, forgotten.

Wide blue eyes stared at me cautiously, her thin waif-life frame trembled under my sadistic gaze as I chuckled. Her heartbeat called to me. A lullaby of blood, a pulsing cacophony, luring me ever closer. And the moment she pulled her trigger and the bullet flew through my shoulder, sending fragments of muscle, skin and blood to the ground, I grinned as my body automatically regenerated. The sound of her shocked voice as she exclaimed, "You're not human!", then she turned and ran.

I found myself curious. A mere human... One whose very life force beckoned with every beat, my own torturous siren's song.. A life force I wished to consume with all my black heart. I could only surmise how good she would taste-how good she would feel, wrapped in my arms as I took her blood. I was more than aware of her scent and it was scintillating.

Despite her fear that night she didn't allow it to preside over her. Held tightly in that sideshow freak vampire's grip, she faced us both knowing she was going to die. She obviously picked the better option- me, I thought, dark laughter spilling throughout my mind.

The very moment I connected with her mind as she was held prisoner, I felt her fear, her unspoken pleas. To be saved. Not to allow this evil creature to destroy her. For someone to save her. A hero. That's what she wanted. Poor, fragile human.. She was stuck with me. A hero I wasn't. In fact, most would say I'm the antagonistic sort, being a cruel sadistic psycho in my past. Ask Integra or Walter. They'll tell you, rather bluntly, too.

Back to that night, though. Seras faced down not one monster but two. And the entire time her blood was slowly driving me mad. Mad with the need to taste- to indulge my darker side and calm the violent want and need inside. The beautiful sound of her adrenaline-laced blood sang sweetly. I wanted to take her, yet I couldn't without express permission. Damn you, Hellsing! It's all your fault. Had I not been chained I could've done what the hell I pleased; no recriminations to consider.

I'll reiterate myself, but between Seras' large cerulean eyes, her looks, body and blood...there was no way I could not offer her the chance to live. I thought it befitting to reward her, offering her a gift rarely bestowed to any. A gift that I'd extended to a total of maybe five people in my entire existence. She didn't deserve to die, but shit happens, and at least this way she'd live on despite her human life abbreviated so soon..

After destroying her captor, and she lay there dying, I carefully lifted her petite, bloodied body into my arms. The sounds of her punctured lung, wheezing, her other lung working harder to compensate; the hole that my ammo created in her chest caused me to glance away for a moment in shame. However the guilt didn't last long. I'd known before firing my weapon that she wasn't one to give up. For whatever strange reason, I felt a small twinge of satisfaction flow through me, hearing her voice her choice.

From the second I ingested her blood, it took me over, seduced me as I'd enthralled her earlier. Virgin blood is always the best, but her blood had an added something to it. Maybe it was because of the way she'd lived life- to the fullest, never holding back. Maybe. All I knew is I was instantly addicted.

Her pulse thrummed as her life flowed into me, and I waited for the exact moment to give her mine. Her skin grew paler, breaths increasingly shallow and farther between.

Thump, thump.

I could feel her end nearing. It was only a matter of seconds. Now was the moment I'd waited for...Slicing into my wrist, I brought it to her pale, cool lips and urged her to drink. Several seconds passed before I felt and witnessed her lips moving against my cold ivory skin. The sounds of my blood sliding smoothly down her throat excited me like never before. It was then that I knew I was captivated by her, and would become even more so as time went by.

Holding her in my arms made me feel like I was home...something I'd never truly had. I just have to make her see it, believe it. Only then will she understand the reasons I chose her and why I can never give her up.

A/N:

I know this is shorter than what you guys are used to, but I'm trying to update a whole lot of stories. I've been inactive for so long that the majority of my fics have fallen to the side; not to mention I've been really sick and also been subjected to a hellacious amount of writer's block. Hopefully, the next chapter will come soon. It depends on the reviews and how many people show interest. Have a great weekend all! :)


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